Parenting Myths
Myth 1
You know your child better than anyone else
The Partial Truth
Of course! Who knows better than you that your child loves chocolates but hates milk? Loves to play but hates homework?
Sure, you know all that.
But there are serious limitations…
The Bigger Picture
- A parent, any parent, is blinded to some extent by the love for the child. You are likely to have a biased opinion. It simply cannot be objective.
- Your child's personality shifts as she interacts with others, when you are not around – in school, at a friend’s house, etc. She may discover some fears when you're not by her side…or maybe new strengths.
The Upshot
- Dealing with the child is somewhat like the five blind men trying to describe an elephant.
- Be open to the idea that as your child grows, he may surprise you with many traits, that you thought never existed.
Myth 2
You can shape your child's personality
The Partial Truth
Every child's environment plays a role in her development as an adult
The Bigger Picture
- Nurturing is critical for a child's security and development, but parents are only one component of that.
- Nature -- genes -- are significant players, thought to account for anywhere from 30-70% of the variation in people's personalities.
The Upshot
- Babies aren't a blank slate are unmoulded clay.
- A parent can influence her child only within a biologically determined range.
- One thing you can do is to show her ways to make the most of what she's got. A girl who doesn't care about mess can be taught to keep her room neat.
Myth 3
The more time you spend with your child, the better adjusted he'll be
The Partial Truth
For a child to develop secure attachment, he needs to know that there's someone he can rely on to take care of him.
The Bigger Picture
This "secure attachment" that kids need can develop with any nurturing adult, such as a grandparent or good, caring babysitter. The classic instance is that of US President Barack Obama, who was largely brought up by his grandparents.
The quality and consistency of attention you give your child matters more than just being visible.
The Upshot
You have to decide what works best for your child. Achieve the balance where both of you are comfortable.
Myth 4
You are your child's best role model
The Partial Truth
The ideal parent is a good reference point for the child. Hence, your child will always look to you for guidance on how to be and behave.
The Bigger Picture
- Keep your room neat as a pin, your child's room may still remain a mess. So clearly, that kind of “If-I-do-it-they-will-too” role modeling is a myth.
- A parent is, however, likely to be a long-term role model to her kids in a more subtle way – it may be positive or negative.
- Ask this question of yourself: "Am I creating memories that'll be helpful to my child later in life?" Consider the influence of your own parents.
The Upshot
Your values may be passed on… well, possibly. But not your habits.
Myth 5
You owe your child the best things
We want to, and should, keep our children as safe, as healthy, and as comfortable as possible.
The Bigger Picture
Consider what your child really needs - now and later. If a child says he wants something, and the parents run out and buy it immediately, he won't develop “delay-of-gratification” skills.
Mind you, this is a life skill.
The Upshot
The most important thing you can give your children doesn't come from any shop. It's as simple as love, good rules and consistency.
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